My Ass

My Goodness me. (Or in Stacey Speak, FFS)

I am SICK TO DEATH of seeing Instagram and Facebook full of tits n' ass trying to pass itself off as health and fitness.

Correction, I'm sick of seeing white chicks, showing their glute maxed asses handing out messages of health and fitness and what you SHOULD do, to have a great ass, and of course - a better life.

Give. Me. A. Break. Already. 

Look, don't get me wrong, I love a good booty. But what I don't love is the messages being handed out:

  • "Love yourself the way you are" (accompanied by a picture of a ifbb pro who cared about her self image, then packed on the chunk, but still can't stop posting pics of her former self)
  • "Just follow this and you'll, xyz" (accompanied by a picture of a bodybuilder who has trained for 20 years and is an actual ATHLETE)
  • "Just do this" accompanied by a woman who has the genetics of someone designed to have a big ass. 

And my personal favorite, from 2014 came from a trainer who dissed a woman's "flat pancake ass" jumped on the aesthetics bandwagon who I now see has had some "rough times" - read that as, let herself go. And if she reads this, she'll call me a hater, like she did in 2014. But quite frankly, I just don't put up with bullshit, lies and shaming. So I'm here to hand it back on an ass shaped platter. I'm here to tell the "you should be's"... to shut the hell up. That's not hating. That's getting real.

I'm mad. 

I'm not a JUST a social media follower. I'm a historical follower. I know what happens OVER TIME to the people you idolise. I've been in this game 10 years. I see what happens to your gurus. Fuck it, guys, it happened to me too. It happened to the gurus I follow. It just happens. But are you even seeing it? Or do you still have rose colored glasses clouding your judgement?

#REALTALK Folks. The GURUS you follow. Are as flawed as you. At some point in their life, they get fucked up.

And since we are all flawed. Guess what?

We must all be normal and normal, must ACTUALLY be PERFECT.

What a fucking revelation.

As my friend Danny J says - #lifeaf (that means life as fuck, aka life is up and down, start rolling with it)

So get the fuck on with life in all its messy glory and stop following bullshit white brazillian asses, fake tits, duck face smiles and liars. And try really hard to just be you. The best version of you you can possibly be. Get some values. Get some real goals, Get some life purpose.

Your Life. 

Your Way.

Ready. 

Go.

Here's a gratuitous pic of my 40 year old ass (you scrolled past it in the heat of my rant)

Learn to get healthy - and live a healthier life.

Oh yeah, you will get a better ass in the process.

My ass, someone else's ass. I don't care. Set a goal and get your own damn better ass.

But seriously, get some values and purpose instead.

 

What You Think You Need... May Not Be What You Actually Need.

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Let me tell you a tale of my own body so you can fully understand what YOU need.

I remember back in the dark ages, somewhere around the year 2000, I was living in Auckland and I decided I needed to lose weight. I did, I was overweight for my frame, and I had a big bloated belly that wouldn't contain itself in my pants. I had had this *ahem* physique since the day I was born.

  • So, I did a starvation kinda diet. Stuck to it for a week and then quit.
  • I did the gym thing. No results, so I quit.
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I’ll admit. I got a bit lazy. I started buying salads in bags so I could avoid chopping veges. But something just didn’t feel right. How did those veges stay fresh in there? And was it something I wanted in my body.  ... Here’s what your bagged salad (and other veges) have in them.

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A couple of months ago, my man and I had a bit of an “issue”.

This issue had been running for about 16 months as a repeated pattern. The cycle would go like this Super extra happy --> headaches + mood swings --> weight gain.

The relationship nearly ended - over his food choices. And no - I wasn't being a healthy eating Nazi either!

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You’re probably quite familiar with the story I’m about to tell you.

It’s a story of two women. They’d never met before in their lives, but they lived just down the street from each other, they were the same age and each had 2 kids. By all accounts, they lived pretty similar lives.

On some days of the week, food treats would show up in some way. It might be a bar of chocolate, a cake, a bag of chips - anything.

One of the women would always go into a silent state of panic … “How will I stop myself eating the whole thing. I’ll have to eat the whole thing!”

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I’ll never forget when the 60% less carb bread was released to the market.

It was this odd round shaped bread and proudly sported the title of 60% LESS CARBS THAN REGULAR BREAD!

Almost overnight I had an avalanche of clients writing this down on their food diaries, proudly showing me of their achievement.

But the thing is, I’d never actually asked them to eat low carb bread. ... THIS is the Bread Marketing Trap

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Do you beat yourself up over doing things wrong? Do you often feel like you're a failure and wonder if you're doing the right thing?

Awesome, join 99% of the population - (the other 1% are not human)

Let me tell you about my morning ... and then I'll tell you how to deal with feelings of failure and mistakes.

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You’ve already eaten, but here you are again only a short time later with that gnawing desire to eat something else.

So you eat that too.

Very soon you’re looking for something else.

… And so the cycle continues.

You might have an imbalance in this important 'fullness' hormone.

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10 cups a day … 

That’s how much coffee he used to drink. He told me it was because it made him feel “less stressed, and more relaxed”.

Now as you probably know, coffee is a stimulant and you’d think after 10 of them, that this client would be feeling pretty jacked up.

But funnily enough, he was telling the truth. Coffee was making him feel less stressed, and calmer. 

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