Good Fat, Bad Fat & Emo Fat
“I’m unlovable unless I’m skinny”
One of my new BE Free program clients said these words to me yesterday. This is an old belief that she has carried around with her for many years and has nothing to do with her body weight at all.
A friend of mine is always calling himself fat. He’s actually not – he HAS fat, but he’s not fat. But at the same time, he’s also carrying his inner ‘fat kid’ – the overweight child from many many years ago.
I saw another ex-client post on Facebook “Well it seems like men don’t like fat chicks”
These are three examples of emotional fat.
The first example is emotional fat because we know with absolute truth that overweight people can be loved, and are, in fact, loved on a daily basis in large numbers all over the globe! What this client is doing is attaching her internal self worth to her external appearance. This is not called being overweight or fat. This is called not accepting and appreciating ourselves.
The second example is emotional fat because he lost weight when he was younger, but he’s still carrying an image of that old person with him and attaching it to his current reality. This isn’t being overweight or fat, this is called not letting go, even after change has taken place.
The third example is just a lie. I’ve seen plenty of men with overweight women. When something is a bare faced lie like this, its coming from an association we have created in our own minds, a perception, as it can’t possibly be true. There’s proof everywhere that this statement just simply isn’t true.
When you carry excess fat, you can see it. Emotional fat is something you can’t see, but it weighs you down all the same. It is a feeling of self-worth dictated by a lies we tell ourselves about the role that body fat levels play in our lives. It then leads us towards exercise and diet strategies that will never solve the real problem.
The role of our liver is to process toxins, the role of the lungs is to provide oxygen to the blood and cells. Everything has a well thought out role in the body.
Do you believe that the role of body fat is to provide you with emotional stability? Or perhaps, just maybe, there is another key organ responsible for how you feel about yourself, can you guess what it is?
The role of body fat is far reaching, but one important role is hormone production. When your body fat is low enough for your menstrual cycle to stop (and for some, it doesn’t take much), or you’re freezing cold you have to really ask yourself – Is body fat really a mark of self worth, or is there some other crazy reason its sitting here on my body?
Low Self-worth, thinking you’re not good enough, and believing you can’t be loved, these are all internal feelings. Your brain created them, and your brain can un-create them. Your brain didn’t create them because you had body fat, it created them because at some point, you made an association that skinny = love or skinny = affection, or respect etc. And that association stuck.
You created the association, and only you can un-create it.
Let’s do a quick 101 on Body fat and get some clarity ok. It doesn’t kill you (sorry medical world), it doesn’t make you less loveable and it’s not making every human judge you and talk about you.
Adipose tissue is the body fat you can see, you can grab it and jiggle it around. This stuff doesn’t cause health issues. In fact, it’s been found that those who carry this type of fat have better health markers than lean folk. The role of adipose tissue is hormone production and, it acts as a storage tank for fuel, it’s supposed to actually do this, and we are supposed to be softer bodied creatures because of it.
At no point in history has the human body even been lean and muscular in its natural state. Some athletes, yes. Mere Mortals, no.
Uh Oh - Does that mean no one was ever loved throughout history either?
Visceral fat is the fat that sits around your organs. This is the dangerous fat. There is no role in the body for this except for the fact it thinks it’s trying to protect you, but when you don’t listen, its deposits become too great and it impairs organ function.
Neither my client nor my friend has the death trap fat. They also have fairly normal amounts of Adipose tissue. And the ex-client, well, I helped her lose 20+kg but she still wasn't happy and it was a matter of time before she had regained the lot due to emotional eating. So their whole issue around fat has nothing to do with health or being attractive to the opposite sex.
It has everything to do with:
• Feeling loved
• Feeling accepted
• Feeling worthy of a place in this world.
When we carry emotional fat (or weight) we can be any size but still not feel good enough, so diet and weight reduction strategies won’t really fix this problem. I had a client who was really tiny, but she still complained she was fat and I’ve had a client push her so-called fat tummy out at me, but guess what she actually pushed out at me through her thin skin – her colon! I kid you not. She was so lean I could see the shape of her colon, and she was calling this fat.
There is never an end to your weight loss journey if you only focus on the physical weight, without releasing the emotional weight. It’s a continual effort to chase what can never be caught. You can’t diet off feelings of not being good enough.
You probably know a person who lost weight so they could be happy and then was still unhappy, it may have even been you. I chose to lose weight so I could be happy, and the same thing happened, I was a mere 59kg on a 175cm frame, but skinny was still not making me happy and it sure as hell didn’t make me feel lovable, worthy or even normal for that matter.
P.S - My partner is forever tracing lines along my curves with his finger, and guess what – he traces the parts of my body that us women typically hate. So there ya go ladies, you and your fat can be accepted unconditionally. Question is, can YOU accept it or will you keep holding the Emotional Fat?