How to just be you
I had an epiphany last week. I have a past history of depression, a lifetime history of mood swings (now gone) and a propensity to stress.
I am also highly motivated, driven and creative.
But when I am stressed, depressed or moody - I'm far from motivated, driven and creative.
So who am I? Am I the former, or the latter? And with that being said, who are you? Are you a by-product of not being you...or are you, really you?
So anyway. my epiphany was that my drive, motivation and creativity was burning me out, creating stress, thereby creating low motivation etc. I had to take a step back and look at where this was coming from - the answer will surprise you.
ROLE MODELS / MENTORS ETC
I like to follow the best in the world (who doesn't right?). But some of the best were actually stressing me out. One role model talks about being part of the 2% and the other 98% will be broke by retirement (scary thought).
Another role model talks about "hustling", get on the phone, sell.
Other role models talk about - ok, well your business is earning $x, but if you want to be truely successful you have to driving for $xx.
These role models are great people, they are also correct, and I respect them. I completely agree with what they have to say, and this was my downfall....
I'm an introvert. But I am also passionate about my job and helping you guys. But what I, as an introvert failed to realise was that the very things that would enthuse and propel one person, will not propel me. I was trying to do the things my role models taught, which in my opinion had quite a bit of extroversion attached.
I see people all day long, so to expect me to jump on the phone AFTER work and talk to more people just fills me with dread. Attending networking groups is something I avoid. I, as an introvert NEED hours upon hours of alone time to recharge myself. If I am with people for too long, I crumble, big time.
I realised, that by not respecting my introvert, I was creating stress for myself. It's not that I don't want to do the work the role models want us to do. I know all about hard work, I built this business while others were moaning about the recession.
So I had back the truck up and say, hey. I'm doing fine, and right now I don't need the pressure of being "great". The very pressure that turns me into an unmotivated, overwhelmed mess.
After I had this realisation I had the most creative and fun time coming up with my 12 week challenge, which then went on to sell out in 4 days. I didn't have to pick up the phone, I didn't have to attend a network meeting. All I had to do was let go of expectations of others, and start having some goddam fun with business tasks.
Why did my program sell out? Partly, good timing with marketing and partly the price was so goddam cheap. Again, something that my role models would roll their eyes at. But I ended up meeting my budget goals and blitzing them. So that's a win right?
Might not be a win for my role models. But it's a win for my business, my soul, my mind, my stress levels, my creativity, my quality of life. In fact, there were more wins going AGAINST my role models than there were following them in this instance.
WHAT THIS MEANS FOR YOU?
So many women care what others think of them. My example is on quite a grand scale, it's a bit left field to the typical "just be you" speeches.
My message is this. Regardless of how high up someone is, regardless of how rich they are, regardless of anything about them - if you feel pressured to be something and that pressure is ruining your happiness and quality of life then I encourage you to take a step back and ask yourself "Who am I?". What do I need from my life, and what am I doing to being something I'm not?
What makes you feel good? What makes you feel yuck? What level of discomfort is ok for you, but doesn't turn you into a blithering insomniac? You may actually find, that the ideas from a sales mentor or motivational speaker etc are inspiring and don't pressure you, you might be the person who THRIVES off the things that make me crumble.
Me, I'm an introvert and proud of it. I need a lot of me time, I don't need to be working after work finishes for the day, I hate the telephone. Like I really bloody hate the phone. If Brad Pitt wanted to call me, I would still hate the telephone. I hate talking on it, I hate it ringing, I hate not being able to see the person at the other end. I SIMPLY HATE THE PHONE!!! (Disclaimer, I'll always ring you if you make an email enquiry with me, and that's not so bad for some reason) . I'm motivated and driven, but I don't thrive under pressure or stress. I DO like life to be comfortable, I don't like stepping outside my comfort zone (which I think is understandable given my history of discomfort). I WILL however, do these things when I feel recharged and strong and when I'm good and ready.
All of the above would make a mentors eyes roll. But guess what. I no longer care. But I will continue to follow you and learn from you, because I respect you and all you have to teach. I just need to find my introverts way of executing your pearls of wisdom.
Liberate yourself ladies, the stress just isn't worth it. Be you!