One day, when I look like that …

One day … One day, when I look like that (sigh) …

… I’ll be happy
… I’ll get the man of my dreams
… I’ll be able to [insert thing here]

Do you say things like this?

The tough pill to swallow is that none of this will ever actually happen.  You will never look like that person and you will never have those things, unless ...

... we take a little mindset shift away from these little lies we tell ourselves.  

Here are 5 mindset-shifting perspectives you can adopt to get yourself out of this life sucking thought pattern so you can actually get what you REALLY want!

FRAME SIZE/SHAPE

It breaks my heart every time I see a young woman compare her body to someone else’s, but it breaks even more when you are comparing yourself to someone who doesn’t even have the same frame as you.

There are some people who just are not suitable body shape role models. If you have had a pear / hourglass shaped body your entire life, then this is the type of body you will have for the rest of your life.  

Look, I get it. I completely understand you wish you weren’t born with the genetic code for cankles, saddlebags or whatever other thing you keep picking on.  I’m an apple I had been that way ever since I was a baby – so I DO understand your anguish – but girlfriend, you need to find another way to deal with this instead of wishing you looked like someone else. You can be smaller, healthier and fitter and you can influence you shape to a certain degree through resistance training, but you cannot out-train your bone structure or genetic code.

My tip for you is when finding an aesthetic role model look to other people who have the same frame as you.  If you have hips, look for a role model who is fit, strong and healthy who also has hips and start admiring them for owning it!  Now you get out there and own it also!

PSYCHOLOGY

Underneath that psychological makeup of yours you have certain ways of dealing with and experiencing motivation, willpower, desires, beliefs, fears, resistances, life experiences etc.  The body you want to have is attached to someone else’s brain.  All frame size/genetics aside  - this means you will not look like that person unless you can adopt the very same (if not better) level of psychology they had to achieve their goal.  And of course, this depends on who you’re role modeling off.

Now, this is where shit gets real – some of these women you are observing are actual fitness models, IFBB pro’s and other assorted fitness gurus and personalities.  Some of these bodies have been training for 10-20+ years, many of these amazing bodies were actually gymnasts, dancers, athletes, martial artists as children.  Their level of tenacity, stress resilience, desire is quite a lot different to yours.  Where they might be able to push through, someone like you and me might crumble and ‘start again on Monday’.

Big name actors and actresses have a far better ability to get that body you want quicker, it’s worth millions of dollars in lost income if they don’t get in shape for their role.  It is their job to look a particular way – so their mindset is going to be a lot different to yours, and yes, they will do a crazy fad diet for a million dollars and yes they will be seeing their shrink, because lets face it – it can’t be easy being THAT famous right?

We are often told it’s 80% diet and 20% exercise to achieve the body we want.  This is so incredibly wrong – without the right psychology driving you, it’s anyone’s guess whether you’re even going to show up for yourself nutritionally or physically every day.

My tip is to do an honest mindset checklist.  Ask yourself how many times you stopped and started on a diet or exercise program.  How many times have you lost and gained the same 10kg?  Now ask yourself if you believe you have the mindset to pull off looking like someone who has had YEARS of athletic conditioning behind them or a million dollars and a movie deal at stake.

ENVIRONMENT / LIFESTYLE

One day, when I look like that woman who gets up at 4.30am and trains for 2 hours, and downs a bunch of fat burners/pre-workouts etc and rushes to get her 2 kids off to school and then goes to work and then cooks dinner while prepping all her food for the next day before training again … then I’ll be happy.

I know couple of people who live like this, and happy is the total opposite of what they are. They’re depressed, anxious, strung out and burnt out.

Those bodies you want to look like, how did they get it?  Can your lifestyle withstand it?  What type of an environment are you living in?  Do you want a hot body so you can show it off in a drunken state every Friday night in a short skirt?  So how is that lifestyle going to actually support that body?

If we think we’re going to be happy when we get “that body” but we don’t bother looking at whether we can support that in our lifestyle then we’re probably going to struggle to get “that body” aren’t we.

So my tip here is to role-model off someone who has a similar lifestyle to you and also to do a lifestyle stock take yourself and see what is supporting you and what isn’t.

CHASING THE WRONG THING

Usually the statement is “When I look like that I’ll be happy”.  When you hear this over and over again from enough women, you can develop a formula out of it – it goes something like this:

When I ____________________________, I will be ________________________________


Lets fill in the blanks with some things that make no sense, they’re false – but you guys say them as if they’re truth.

When I lose weight, I will be happy.
Why false?  You will never be happy all the time, it’s impossible, that’s just how the brain chemistry works.  You will always have challenges in life that will shake your happiness meter, but honestly is losing weight the answer to every problem?  I’m not happy that I have to pay $200 for the cats vet bill – if I lose weight, will my happiness return?  What REALLY needs to happen for me to feel happy?

When I lose this weight, I will be awesome (yes that was one that was said to me, something about it being the very last thing that needs to happen before life is perfect) 

Why false?  Well, awesome actually means to be “in awe”.  Ok, so maybe it’s true you will be in awe of yourself when you lose weight, but I’m sure that’s not what you meant.  Life is not perfect, you are not perfect, nothing is perfect and losing weight is not a magic wand that creates this perfection … because it simply doesn’t exist.  What if you just accepted you were awesome right now and got MORE real about what is irking you in your life and body.

When I lose weight, I will be able to go to the gym
Why false?  There’s nothing physically stopping you from going to a gym, there is no evidence. In fact, there’s nothing stopping you from doing anything you want you, but guess what – it’s not your body fat levels getting in the way, it’s your mind.

Now, let’s fill in some blanks with things that make sense and are true

When I drop 10kg I will be a dress size smaller
Why true?  Data shows that anywhere between 6-10kg is a dress size.  It’s a true and rational statement.

When I stop beating myself up, I will be happier
Why true?  Try it out, beat yourself up (emotionally) for 24 hours and see how you feel, then spend 24 hours just being so loving and kind to yourself.  Or if that’s too hard, go and find a 5 year-old child and say all the mean things to them that you say to yourself.  Then find another 5 year old and shower them with love.  Have you found the truth in the statement now? (*Disclaimer, do not go and psychologically damage a 5 year old please)

When I lose weight, I will weigh less
Why true?  Pretty obvious really 

When I put on a bikini, I will be in a bikini
When I go to the gym, I will be at the gym
When I discover the real truth about happiness, I will find happiness
(P.S, if you do want the truth I can help)

Can you see how we can turn our formula into a range of statements that become more factual and true.  Challenge yourself, ask yourself if the If / Then statements that you are making are actually true and if not, how can you rephrase them to make them true and turn them into a goal that WILL bring you the happiness you want.

A client of mine just posted on facebook “when and will are get out of jail words”.  When I get out of jail, I will be free.  People in jail are kinda forced to stay there, You’re not forced to be unhappy just because you don’t look like such-n-such.

My tip here is to ask yourself what is it you really want?  Do you want to find happiness? That’s great - keep that as a goal, but understand what you want and not what you think will get you there (diets and restriction). Do you want to attract a nice man? Start being the type of woman you want to be in a relationship instead of being the type of woman who wants to use her body as a way of getting a man’s attention.

IGNORING YOUR TIMELINE

I'm not talking about your Facebook timeline. Our timeline for the purposes here is the period of time between you being happy with your body to you not being happy with it.  This could also read, between you being a healthy body weight to you experiencing weight gain.

Your timeline is not the same as the timeline of the body that you are trying to be like.  The body of someone who has been drowned in antibiotics through their life is going to be different to someone who hasn’t.

If you want the body that you want, you’re going to have to start getting real about how you got to this point in the first place and then applying the right strategies and PATIENCE to get there.  If you’re stuck in a diet headspace however, it might be hard to see the forest for the trees.  But that’s ok, that’s what I do best with my clients, helping you figure out what got you to this unhappy place and using the right strategies to get you out of it!

My tip, get real on how you got to this point and find a similar role model who had an experience that they overcame to develop a healthy relationship with food and their body – and hey, they probably got in shape along the way!

HOW TO GET WHAT YOU REALLY WANT

Find realistic role models who have what you want aesthetically but also internally at mental/emotional/life level. To do that requires you to start getting in tune with why you’re REALLY not happy, and why life and happiness needs to keep being put on hold until you lose weight.  Find out what it means to be the best version of you instead of a second rate version of someone else. Build on the best version of you instead of tearing yourself down.